I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
