"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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