Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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