Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
