I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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