That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
