I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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