oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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