my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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