oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
