no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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