I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
