I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
