The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
