Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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