So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
