his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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