Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
