How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
