You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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