I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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