So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
