By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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