Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
