Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
