So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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