This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
