What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The air was thick with penises
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
