hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
