Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
