All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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