Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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