So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You took a bar mat shot.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
