the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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