I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
