I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
