He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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