I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
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