Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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