god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
