Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
