david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
