Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Be still, my beating vagina.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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