You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
