I wish I only lived at night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
