you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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