what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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