I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
