cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
