I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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