just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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