Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
