I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
