I just made out with a guy for $7.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize