how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need moral support for this bender
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
