Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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