he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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