Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just pee around me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
