I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
