when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize