God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
