They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
