Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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