You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
