his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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