I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
