I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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