I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
