K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
