Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he's gonorrhea incarnate
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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