I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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