i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
