Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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