forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
