i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
