If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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