WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
