My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
