Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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