i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize