he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
