the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
