I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
