its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
