I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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