I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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