At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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