Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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