It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
