I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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