I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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