I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
