did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
