Porn is love you can see.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize