I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
