I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i think i just lost a toe
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
