Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
