while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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