she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
