i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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