he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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