We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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