dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
