one might say we're banned from that church
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
