Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
