That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
