great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
