Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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