I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize