i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
