I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
