You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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