First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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