Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
