remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
