i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
