we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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