Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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