It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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