Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
