omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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