I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
